I’m so excited!  My computer keyboard works.  It works!  It really works!!  Seriously, this is a big big deal for me!!  My keyboard has been giving me grief like crazy over the past month and a half.. like it wouldn’t work… not even a little bit.  Every single time I wanted to blog I just wanted to cry because I couldn’t.  And trust me, there were times when I needed to … soooooo badly.  Most of the time I just walked away from it in disgust because I thought it meant that God really didn’t want me to get my thoughts out…. REALLY?!  Who does that?  Thinks that, I mean?  Well apparently… THIS GIRL! 

Anyway, I’m at a new favorite place of mine.  The HOME building.  Haven’t been there?  GO!  So many good things .. so many.  www.sc-home.org .   I love being able to come here to sing, to worship, to learn, to be alone, to be with God, to do this… what a blessing this place is.

So this summer is flying.  Sucky?  A little bit.  It’s been a good summer though.  Lots of fun times.  Lots of happy times.  Lots of memories made.

The girls and I have been swimming more times this summer than I can even begin to count…which is good, because we ALL love it.  And with it being, on average, a million degrees every day, it was hard NOT being in or around water every second possible.

So here’s the question.. How have I been?  Honestly?  Struggling.  Hurting.  Angry.  Sad.  Unsure.  Happy. Joyful.  SURE.  Grateful.  Humbled.   Clear as mud?  Of course! :)  Good thing I’ve found some super awesome friends to walk with me through this season of my life.  Good thing I’ve finally figured out that My Saviour Jesus is walking with me, holding my hand every second of every day.  Without Him I am lost.. so lost.  He’s such a good Saviour.  In fact, I just watched the movie “The Passion of the Christ” yesterday…and I again was reminded just how much he did for me… Unfathomable.  I cried through the majority of the movie because the amount of suffering and torment that He went through, both physically and spiritually, was so unbelievably difficult to watch.  To have a Saviour that would do that for ME…there simply are no words. 

Let me tell you about my past week.  I was in severe need of a vacation from my job.  I like my job, but without a break once in a while, it’s easy to get burned out, feel unappreciated and just simply NOT want to go..  So a month ago I checked out our office calendar and tried to figure out a week where the least amount of people were off on vacation.  I think I did a pretty good job.  I didn’t feel guilty even one minute for not being there… that right there is an accomplishment for me.  It’s not like they couldn’t handle it without me (even though I’d like to think they missed me :), but I’ve always struggled with feeling like I will be letting someone down or making someone angry by taking time off…. Oh come on, I’m sure there are others who have felt the same way!!  Seriously!  Anyway, finally my week arrived .. trust me, it seemed like it took FOREVER to arrive!  And I was so excited.  I had made some plans to do some things that I hadn’t had/made the time for in a long time.  So first thing on Monday morning the girls and I were going to start painting the upstairs bedrooms.  Well first of all, it is 4 billion degrees up there.  The air in the house hasn’t been doing its job at ALL this summer so a month or so ago, my sweet sissy gave me a window air conditioner to use…. And a cool DOWNSTAIRS was to be had by all.  BUT the upstairs was unlivable.  The girls have been sleeping downstairs all summer.  But I didn’t really have an option so that was just how it was.  WELL, another friend of mine gave me another window air conditioner so I decided to put it upstairs .. let it cool off, move the girls back upstairs and get the rooms painted in a halfway acceptable temperature.  So Monday morning, I took that sucker up the stairs (all by myself, I might add).. took the storm window out, removed the screen, put the storm window back in, put the air conditioner in the window (all this time I am absolutely ROASTING… my shirt is wet from sweat and my face is melting – no lie.. just ask my girls.. at one point Bethany asked why I was crying – haha, I wasn’t crying… I was melting)…anyway, I tucked towels around it to block off openings… found an extension cord (because of course there can’t be an outlet anywhere I need one to be) and plugged it in.  Power -> on -> noise -> noise gets louder -> thought to myself, AWESOME it’s gonna cool off soon! -> noise gets even louder -> and then??  -> chug chug… dead.  SUPER!  So after all that roasting and melting, the air conditioner didn’t work… not one bit… not even a little bit.  Disappointing?  More like devastating.  For 2 little girls who wanted a new yellow bedroom..  for a momma who really wanted to get this done.  So instead of painting, we cleaned out the pool, then cooled off IN a frigid pool.  Worth it? FOR SURE! :)

Tuesday.  My Tuesday. – Retreat day.  God. Nature. Peace. Forgiveness. That’s all I am going to say for now… NOTICE.. just for now.  Oh at night time I got to go to a surprise party for a super sweet psycho :) friend who is moving away… Oh Paige, I miss you already! ..THAT I CAN share! :)

Wednesday.  I’m grateful for friends with in the ground outdoor pools.  Since it was once again 18 bazillion degrees, the girls and I went to my friends’ house with my mom, sister, nephew & 4 nieces (and my friend and her daughter, of course :) to enjoy the pool.  And enjoy it we DID!  ALL day!  It was so fantastically fabulous and refreshing.

Thursday, brought the girls to daycare for a while.. did some cleaning, laundry, stuff I dislike..  But for real, is there ANYONE who enjoys doing that stuff?  At 1:15 I picked up Miss Bethany and brought her to the HOME bldg. for something new they are giving a try.  “Kingdom Carriers” – a couple of hours where kids can come to learn to pray, to learn to listen to God, to sing and praise.. It was the first time for B so I felt a little anxious because I personally know how – just a little bit—crazy this child can be.  By the time I picked her up, that anxiety was gone.  As I watched her doing the actions to “Days of Elijah” my heart couldn’t help but smile and be proud.  You are going back tomorrow, okay Bethany?  Well, duh, mom.. okay, so she liked it :) .. Friday I brought her again and at 3:15 when I came back to watch the short closing program my heart melted, wept inside of me and cheered all at the same time.  As she held her Bible in front of her and read a verse straight out of it without making a single mistake, I cried.  I could not have been more proud of her in that moment.  I love her so much.  She knows it.  I know it.  I pray she will never forget it… but I also want her to know that Jesus is just as much HER Saviour as He is mine.  Many times, I think I’m doing a horrible job at showing her/teaching her by my actions and words what the true meaning of life is.  But I am learning.  And with the help of the God who gave it all, I will do the best I can.  Trust me there are times when I just want to cry and give up because I tell myself (or am told and believe it) that I am absolutely NO GOOD at being a mom… but that is a total and complete lie and I’m not willing to listen to it anymore.  I make mistakes, EVERY SINGLE DAY, but I am NOT a failure and I AM going to make it.  God has great things already planned for me… for my girls… I just KNOW it!  Is it going to be an easy road getting there?  That’s a BIG negative.. I know that as well, but I am going to survive, I am going to thrive, I am going to do what I’m put here to do…  not on my own, heaven’s no… THAT is not possible.  But I AM going to be okay.  That’s all for now.

Peace.