...on being willing to be willing

Change is good.
Change can be fun.
Change is new experiences.
Change is meeting new people.
Change can be exciting.
Change is doing new things.
Change is changing thought patterns.
Change.
Change sucks.
Change is hard.
Change makes me want to cry.
Change makes me want to quit, give up and give in.

Being willing to change is the hardest part.  Before changing anything about ourselves, we have to be willing to make the change.  Lately I've been finding myself living in a world of wanting to change, but not being very willing AT ALL to do the work to make the change.  Don't we all have that once in a while?  I think probably so.  We can imagine and envision what the change would result in ... we can see what the benefits from the change would be... and yet...?  Personally, I ache for change.  I want it so badly, BUT I want it to be easy.  Like that "Easy" button?  Yeah, give me that! 
In my devotional today there is a sentence that says "You should try to stand aside and let God work through you" -- I think I need to stand aside and let Him work FOR me too.  He tells me that I am His own.  He tells me that He hears me when I call.  He says He wipes away my tears.  He tells me that He's right there beside me.  He says He'll carry me when I'm weak.  So why?  Why is it so hard to be willing to just let Him take the wheel?  Why does it seem so impossible to me as a human being, to fathom the depths and width and length of His love and grace for me?  Why, when it's all right there in front of me, does my heart scream in horror that I'm not worthy?  In this life we will have trouble and strife.  On this earth we will know love and life.  It is my choice how I respond to trouble, strife, love & life.  Heavenly Father, give me strength and willingness to allow you to work for and through me and to respond to your challenges with a positive attitude, clear head and thankful heart. 
Grant me the willingness to be willing.